“Just love yourself.” It’s the ultimate wellness cliché, slapped on everything from coffee mugs to inspirational posters. It sounds so simple, so pure. But for most of us, it feels like being told to climb Mount Everest in a pair of flip-flops.
How are you supposed to just love yourself when you have a loud, obnoxious inner critic living in your head, narrating your every flaw and mistake 24/7?
Let’s get real. Self-love isn’t a magical feeling that you just wake up with one day. It’s not about looking in the mirror and never having another insecure thought.
Self-love is a practice. It’s a daily, conscious, and often messy choice to treat yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and respect you would offer a dear friend. It’s the courageous act of signing a peace treaty with yourself. If you’re ready to stop being your own worst enemy, here are 10 simple ways to begin.
Table of Contents
1. Befriend Your Inner Critic
You can’t win a war against your own mind. That harsh inner critic isn’t a villain to be destroyed; it’s a misguided bodyguard that thinks it’s protecting you from failure and judgment. The first step is to stop fighting it and start a conversation.
The Self-Love Payoff: When you acknowledge the critic’s (misguided) intention, it loses its power over you. You can then consciously choose a kinder, more supportive thought, transforming your inner world from a battleground into a space for compassionate coaching.
Actionable Step: The next time your inner critic pipes up, silently say, “Thank you for trying to protect me, but I’ve got this.” Then, offer yourself one small, kind rebuttal.
2. Curate Your “Mirror”
The world around you acts as a mirror, reflecting back what you “should” be. If your social media mirror is full of filtered, unrealistic images, it will constantly tell you that you are not enough.
The Self-Love Payoff: You take back control of your own standards of beauty and success. By intentionally curating a feed filled with diverse, inspiring, and authentic influences, you create a mirror that reflects a much kinder and more realistic version of the world.
Actionable Step: Right now, unfollow five social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. No guilt, no explanation. Just hit the button.
3. Keep One Tiny Promise to Yourself
Self-love is built on a foundation of self-trust. The fastest way to build that trust is to prove to yourself, through small, consistent actions, that your word is good.
The Self-Love Payoff: Each time you keep a promise to yourself—no matter how small—you are making a deposit into your self-respect account. A high balance in this account creates a deep, internal sense of reliability and confidence.
Actionable Step: Make one laughably small promise to yourself for tomorrow. “I will drink one glass of water when I wake up.” Then, do it.
4. Celebrate Your “Enough-ness”
We are experts at noticing where we fall short. Self-love requires us to become experts at noticing where we are already enough.
The Self-Love Payoff: This practice of acknowledging your small wins and daily efforts builds a powerful portfolio of evidence that you are capable and worthy, right now. It combats the feeling of constantly striving and never arriving.
Actionable Step: Before you go to sleep tonight, write down or just think of one thing you did today that you are proud of. It can be as small as “I made my bed” or “I was patient in traffic.”
5. Forgive Your Past Self
We all carry around a highlight reel of our past mistakes and cringiest moments. Holding onto that shame is like carrying a heavy bag of rocks everywhere you go.
The Self-Love Payoff: Forgiveness is the act of putting the bag down. It’s the compassionate acceptance that you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. It frees your present self from the prison of your past.
Actionable Step: Think of one small mistake from your past that still stings. Write a short, kind note to that version of you, offering them forgiveness and understanding.
6. Set One “Loving” Boundary
A boundary is not about pushing people away. It is the loving act of protecting your own peace, energy, and well-being.
The Self-Love Payoff: Setting a boundary is a clear declaration that you value yourself. It’s one of the most powerful and tangible ways to demonstrate self-respect, and it teaches others that your needs are valid.
Actionable Step: Identify one small boundary you can set this week. It could be as simple as telling a loved one, “I need 15 minutes of quiet time when I get home from work.”
7. Go on a “Solo” Date
Learning to enjoy your own company is a cornerstone of self-love. It’s about getting to know and genuinely like the person you are when no one else is around.
The Self-Love Payoff: This builds radical self-reliance. It proves to you that you are your own source of comfort and fun, which reduces your dependence on external validation from others.
Actionable Step: Schedule a 30-minute solo date this week. Go to a park, a coffee shop, or a bookstore. Put your phone away and just be with yourself.
8. Nourish Your Body with Kindness
Instead of seeing food and exercise as tools for punishing or changing your body, reframe them as acts of loving care.
The Self-Love Payoff: This shifts your entire relationship with your body from one of conflict to one of partnership. You start to make healthy choices not because you hate your body, but because you love and respect it enough to give it what it needs to feel good.
Actionable Step: At your next meal, consciously choose one thing to eat that is a pure act of nourishment. As you eat it, silently thank your body.
9. Learn to Receive a Compliment
When someone gives you a compliment, what’s your first instinct? To deflect? To downplay it? To point out a flaw?
The Self-Love Payoff: Gracefully accepting a compliment is a practice in receiving goodness. It’s you, agreeing with a positive assessment of yourself, which helps to internalize it and build your self-esteem.
Actionable Step: The next time someone gives you a compliment, resist every urge to deflect. Take a breath, look them in the eye, smile, and just say, “Thank you. That’s really kind of you to say.”
10. Define Your Worth (Beyond the Superficial)
Your worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with your job title, your relationship status, your productivity, or the number on the scale.
The Self-Love Payoff: By identifying the core qualities that make you a valuable person, you build an unshakeable sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on external achievements or appearances.
Actionable Step: List three qualities you possess that you are proud of that have nothing to do with your looks or your job. (Are you kind? Curious? Resilient? A good listener?) That is the real you.
Self-love isn’t a destination you reach. It is a daily practice, a compassionate choice you make over and over again. It’s the messy, beautiful, and courageous process of choosing to be on your own team.
Choose one small act of kindness to show yourself today. You are so, so worthy of it.